Reader,
Recent research shows that younger adults have more tendency toward the negativity bias than older adults, but within the first 2 hours of my day I had evidence contradicting this research. It is one thing to purposefully listen in on someone's conversation with a friend while they have coffee, but to slither your way into their conversation is another.
This morning I found myself awake at 6:30am and decided that as my child was enveloped in slumber it was a good opportunity to read some articles on this idea of negativity bias, a leaning toward negative reactions in response to a particular stimulus, so I gathered my things and slipped in the car and drove off down the street to Starbucks where I settled into a chair with a big fat mug of pumpkin spice latte, hmmmmm....it was the perfect way to start the day. The day continued to get better when within the hour my good friend came through the door to join me for a gab. Then about 10 minutes into our delightful conversation of Psychology junk and mom stuff a woman, appearing to be in her early 60's, sat at the table next to us and joined our conversation. Then she proceeded to take over our conversation for the next 15 minutes if not longer...I have tried to block it out. I feel as though I should wear a sign on my forehead that says, "I'm off duty. Your problems are your problems. Try the person to my right." It got to the point where I just knew she was not going to stop and I was very much looking forward to having a pleasant conversation with my friend, so I decided upon an inductive tactic. "So, Tracy, would you like to run down to the shop down the street with me before I need to shoot home?" I said this with the hopes that Tracy would see what my plan was or she would just agree, instead she said, "What shop?" I just ignored her question and got up to dispose of my dirty dishes and luckily she followed suit and we said our goodbyes to the woman. We promptly went to the bagel place next door and continued our conversation without the redirection of any other agenda from anyone else.
Then I started to think about this incident later in the day. Do I have control of my thoughts or do my thoughts control me? All I could think about while hearing this woman approach the gifts God had given her so negatively was, "Lord, please if this is me just hack me off now!" The sadness of it is that this woman probably rarely gets a break from her thoughts. She does not get to just get up and make a graceful exit to the restaurant next door for relief. How much have we just adopted our unnecessarily negative theories to be the only true way to approach a subject and have become so comfortable in the feeling of being negative that we are unable to recognize the value of being positive? I don't ever want Dominic to feel as though he has a cranky, old mother that he has to put up with because that is the right thing to do. I also don't want Dom to associate me with the word “haggard” at any time within his lifespan.
The Lord tells us to meditate on the things of him and his word day and night. It is not by decreasing the negative reactions that we find relief. Instead it is by increasing our attention to the positive around us that encourages us to look beyond the four fingers in front of our face to where we are given the opportunity to see eight. See eight at every chance you get! Life is hard and stressful and at times just utterly ridiculous...trust me I know...but there is no reason to give up and surrender to the black and white of negativity. Hold strong and fight for vibrant color!
Laura Araujo
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
The Mathematics of Attitude
Reader,
Today Dominic taught me a very serious lesson. The lesson came from observing his fit over math. I had a lunch scheduled with two dear friends that I do not get to see very often and was hurriedly getting ready to meet them. Dominic was working on schoolwork and had breezed through his workbook pages for reading and had started on his math, when he suddenly just shut down and started complaining that he needed help. Normally I probably would have sat down and helped him, but I was in a hurry for an adult break...you know, a few minutes set aside to combine adult conversation and female laughter. These things, when experienced together = STRESS RELIEF… SOOOOO important in my life right now. As I looked at the four lines of simple addition problems, I realized that this was the lesson that involved adding and subtracting 1. I decided we should nip this in the bud right away. I explained the concept again of adding and subtracting 1, because we had extensively discussed each process using edible items to ensure that he completely grasped the concept of number representation. After the thorough explanation, I charged him again to get it done. A few minutes later I came and checked back and he had not done anything and copped major attitude toward the assignment. He was promptly asked to go to his room and collect himself.
When we were finished discussing the attitude issue, he came back to the sheet and I went back to brushing my teeth and applying some make-up so I could actually feel like a woman at this lunch - isn't it funny how it takes a certain amount of thought to remember what it is like to enjoy yourself as a woman; not a mother, wife, student, employee or caretaker...just a woman. Reader, if you do not remember the last time you did something that made you feel beautiful then put it at the top of your day's to-do list and think of one thing and do it. If a woman loses her identity in womanhood, she then has no basis for motherhood. Kids need a feminine mother, whether they are a boy or a girl or a whole hoard of both.
Anyway, I lost my train of thought…oh yes! So, he went back to the kitchen table with his worksheet of +1 and – 1 and within a total of 4 minutes was back in the bathroom asking me to come and check the sheet for accuracy so he can earn his sticker. I went over there in total disbelief that he had been able to finish the four lines of problems in that amount of time. My disbelief proved unsubstantiated. He HAD finished each problem and they were 100 % correct. You know in that moment I just looked at him and felt a twinge of frustration mixed with pride. I was proud that he had done the assignment with such speed and accuracy and then at the same time was totally TORKED OFF! Why had he not just done the problems without causing such a ruckus during the moments before? Why did he have to get me all flustered!?!? In that moment as he sat there grinning at me waiting for his sticker I really wanted to pull his lower lip up over his face.
On my way to lunch, I found myself thinking about how much his behavior had just bugged me and then I was presented with the thought that I am not much different. I thought of a few lessons the Holy Spirit has been teaching me lately and how ungracefully I have responded to that teaching. How many times have I walked around a mountain of an issue just because I did not feel like doing whatever it was that I needed to do when God was calling me to do it? I think I have finally realized how I have become so easily led by my feelings over the last 6 months or so. I have begun praying that God would rectify the matter of authority in my heart and bring some continuity to how I respond throughout my daily walk of life.
Reader, I don’t know about you, but the large picture of life is almost overwhelming to me right now, so I tend to concentrate on the present day and this present day alone. I want the Lord to be so apart of my decision making process that my feelings toward whatever particular subject I am faced with does not weigh in so heavily. I want my son to experience consistency in how I act each day. My feelings are my feelings and I will not ignore them, but they do not need to determine my actions. Regardless of whether I am overwhelmed with frustration, pain, hurt, desire, moodiness or random hormone surges – because we all know they happen – I want to be grounded in what I know to be true: My God is for me. It is a really good thing that God does not reach down from heaven and pull our lower lip up over our face when we give him a hard time…maybe patience and goodness with be the next lessons in my life...we will see!
Laura Araujo
Today Dominic taught me a very serious lesson. The lesson came from observing his fit over math. I had a lunch scheduled with two dear friends that I do not get to see very often and was hurriedly getting ready to meet them. Dominic was working on schoolwork and had breezed through his workbook pages for reading and had started on his math, when he suddenly just shut down and started complaining that he needed help. Normally I probably would have sat down and helped him, but I was in a hurry for an adult break...you know, a few minutes set aside to combine adult conversation and female laughter. These things, when experienced together = STRESS RELIEF… SOOOOO important in my life right now. As I looked at the four lines of simple addition problems, I realized that this was the lesson that involved adding and subtracting 1. I decided we should nip this in the bud right away. I explained the concept again of adding and subtracting 1, because we had extensively discussed each process using edible items to ensure that he completely grasped the concept of number representation. After the thorough explanation, I charged him again to get it done. A few minutes later I came and checked back and he had not done anything and copped major attitude toward the assignment. He was promptly asked to go to his room and collect himself.
When we were finished discussing the attitude issue, he came back to the sheet and I went back to brushing my teeth and applying some make-up so I could actually feel like a woman at this lunch - isn't it funny how it takes a certain amount of thought to remember what it is like to enjoy yourself as a woman; not a mother, wife, student, employee or caretaker...just a woman. Reader, if you do not remember the last time you did something that made you feel beautiful then put it at the top of your day's to-do list and think of one thing and do it. If a woman loses her identity in womanhood, she then has no basis for motherhood. Kids need a feminine mother, whether they are a boy or a girl or a whole hoard of both.
Anyway, I lost my train of thought…oh yes! So, he went back to the kitchen table with his worksheet of +1 and – 1 and within a total of 4 minutes was back in the bathroom asking me to come and check the sheet for accuracy so he can earn his sticker. I went over there in total disbelief that he had been able to finish the four lines of problems in that amount of time. My disbelief proved unsubstantiated. He HAD finished each problem and they were 100 % correct. You know in that moment I just looked at him and felt a twinge of frustration mixed with pride. I was proud that he had done the assignment with such speed and accuracy and then at the same time was totally TORKED OFF! Why had he not just done the problems without causing such a ruckus during the moments before? Why did he have to get me all flustered!?!? In that moment as he sat there grinning at me waiting for his sticker I really wanted to pull his lower lip up over his face.
On my way to lunch, I found myself thinking about how much his behavior had just bugged me and then I was presented with the thought that I am not much different. I thought of a few lessons the Holy Spirit has been teaching me lately and how ungracefully I have responded to that teaching. How many times have I walked around a mountain of an issue just because I did not feel like doing whatever it was that I needed to do when God was calling me to do it? I think I have finally realized how I have become so easily led by my feelings over the last 6 months or so. I have begun praying that God would rectify the matter of authority in my heart and bring some continuity to how I respond throughout my daily walk of life.
Reader, I don’t know about you, but the large picture of life is almost overwhelming to me right now, so I tend to concentrate on the present day and this present day alone. I want the Lord to be so apart of my decision making process that my feelings toward whatever particular subject I am faced with does not weigh in so heavily. I want my son to experience consistency in how I act each day. My feelings are my feelings and I will not ignore them, but they do not need to determine my actions. Regardless of whether I am overwhelmed with frustration, pain, hurt, desire, moodiness or random hormone surges – because we all know they happen – I want to be grounded in what I know to be true: My God is for me. It is a really good thing that God does not reach down from heaven and pull our lower lip up over our face when we give him a hard time…maybe patience and goodness with be the next lessons in my life...we will see!
Laura Araujo
Sunday, November 8, 2009
5,4,3,2,1...Lost it!
Dear Reader,
Today I lost it. The kid just pushed me too far...or is it that I am so tired? I think it is the later and Dominic chose a bad day to traipse around the block without permission. Do you ever question your perspective? Well, I have to or else I can get so singularly focused on something that I forget to consider other variables. This week was one of those examples. Recently I began homeschooling my son. I love it! But when I started this adventure I didn't have a clue how it would turn out and how I would accomplish all that was set before me...Meyers and Briggs would say characteristics true of an idealist. Go ahead and laugh at my naivety. We had prepared a part time schedule for Dom with public school and homeschool. He is to go to his elementary school each day from 8-10:30am. There he will get a reading group, specials, which are music or PE, and science. I was totally stoked about his schedule and very willingly agreed to make this work. Well, then the week came for us to start and I realized, what was I thinking? I didn't have anyone to pick Dom up from school on Tuesdays and Thursdays while I was in my class. So after trying to find a solution to this problem for a couple of weeks, I decided that Dom would accompany me to college on those days and that would have to do, because I am a single mom who in this particular instance, was out of options. So he has been keeping this schedule for the past two weeks.
Saturday morning came and I was determined to sleep in. Friday night I took my Tylenol PM to try to elongate a few extra hours of self induced slumber and drifted off. Well, sleep in I did, until Dominic, the dog and the cat all made their way into my room around 10:30 chanting, "Give me food! Give me food!" Or was that my dream? I don't know. It was a little foggy. Dom crawled into bed and sweetly asked if we were going to be able to go somewhere or do something. I had been waiting all week for Saturday, the day that I did not have to do anything and he wanted to go somewhere! Was he nuts! I grunted a response which must have been satisfactory since he slipped out of the covers to go in search of cereal. As I lay there in bed deciding whether or not I was going to join his cereal efforts or stay right where I was as long as I could, it suddenly dawned on me. My son, apart from two dinner invitations we had accepted, had not been out of the house very much over the last week. Although I had been going from class to class, Dom had not been outside to play or had much contact with kidos his own age this week. I had been so focused on surviving the week that I had made my child into a hermit!
I promptly got out of bed and enthusiastically told him to get dressed because we were going to the skate park...all was well, but I had a pent up pressure inside. It was the pressure a parent gets when they have not had adequate sleep and then goes full steam through the day and night just to get up from the few hours of snooze that they did get to do it all over again. It really can make a person nuts! Well I made it through Saturday with no major crazy moments, but Sunday I could feel it coming. We got up in the morning with plenty of time to get ready for church and were actually on time which is often times not the case. We had a fairly positive morning, went out to lunch with a dear friend of mine and then came home. Dom decided he wanted to play outside and I called the dog out for a brushing...then suddenly no child in sight. I started calling his name only to get silence in return. I looked and looked, but could not see him. After about 10 minutes of me checking around the corner and back upstairs and then around the other corner I see him across the street and down a block at the neighbors house. I suddenly envisioned my hand jetting from my arm and grabbing him by the scruff only to bring him back to me in mid air. I was ready to kill him!
Went and got him and told him to go to his room so we could talk. I thoroughly and calmly, or not so calmly, told him of the dire safety issues surrounding his disobedience and that he was to ask me before he just takes off somewhere...okay, pause...we have all been there with trying to explain an abstract concept to a child who draws Superman when asked to do a self portrait. He cannot even fathom in his mind how a bad guy could get past his wicked Judo skills and have time to swipe him into a car when he would easily throw the bad guy to the ground and punch him in the nuts until he died. Do you see what I am working with here! Anyway, I made parental mistake 500,421...I gave him another chance. But this time he blew it way bigger.
I allowed him to go back down the street under my supervision and visit with his friend that was moving away...I am not a monster. I have a heart. I am a mom. I gave him 20 minutes to visit. Then I promptly went home and called my friends and told them they needed to pick up my child and feed him for me because I was on the verge of losing it and just could not take it anymore! My friend and her husband offered immediately to take him for the evening and I breathed a sigh of relief. They must have been able to hear the seriousness in my voice, or maybe they heard nothing but the tearful sobs and, "Come get Dominic" and they deduced the urgency of my situation hahahaha...nonetheless Randy came to pick him up and when I went to find him down the street I was told that he had gone with his friend to the 7/11 around the corner. He had told the adult that it was fine with me...well when a 10 year old boy tells you something like that you are definitely suppose to believe him!!!! NOT!!!!!! Oh now I was torked. I marched my little butt down the street to the 7/11, but they were not there. I missed them. I walked my butt back and by this time was completely red with a swollen head and steam rolling out of my ears...his life was over...I found him, much to his unpleasantry, and told him in a "mama ain't playing" tone of voice to get his little butt home because he was in trouble.
Well we dealt with the consequences of the disobedience and Randy took him to give me a break. When I closed the door, I just burst into tears. I was so tired in that moment. I truly had nothing left, but tears. Before I became a mom and people thought I had just concocted a cockamamie idea to adopt people had told me how hard it was to be a mom. Now I understand that being a mom is complicated. You love them so much, yet they drive you so nuts. You sacrifice so much just to give them a leg up now and then. You take all the dirty looks in the world for the different decisions that are made in their best interest and all the while it is somehow satisfying and fulfilling to be watching a little person develope into a bigger person. Motherhood is a mental disorder and without it our species would have died out a long time ago. It really is not easy to be this mentally dysfunctional, but the season is short and the fruit will be plentiful...if I can just keep from throwing him out the window :)
Thank God for friends who see the signs of serious breakdown and thank God for a son who enjoys his breaks from his mother :). I guess we will see what tomorrow brings, huh?
Laura Araujo
Today I lost it. The kid just pushed me too far...or is it that I am so tired? I think it is the later and Dominic chose a bad day to traipse around the block without permission. Do you ever question your perspective? Well, I have to or else I can get so singularly focused on something that I forget to consider other variables. This week was one of those examples. Recently I began homeschooling my son. I love it! But when I started this adventure I didn't have a clue how it would turn out and how I would accomplish all that was set before me...Meyers and Briggs would say characteristics true of an idealist. Go ahead and laugh at my naivety. We had prepared a part time schedule for Dom with public school and homeschool. He is to go to his elementary school each day from 8-10:30am. There he will get a reading group, specials, which are music or PE, and science. I was totally stoked about his schedule and very willingly agreed to make this work. Well, then the week came for us to start and I realized, what was I thinking? I didn't have anyone to pick Dom up from school on Tuesdays and Thursdays while I was in my class. So after trying to find a solution to this problem for a couple of weeks, I decided that Dom would accompany me to college on those days and that would have to do, because I am a single mom who in this particular instance, was out of options. So he has been keeping this schedule for the past two weeks.
Saturday morning came and I was determined to sleep in. Friday night I took my Tylenol PM to try to elongate a few extra hours of self induced slumber and drifted off. Well, sleep in I did, until Dominic, the dog and the cat all made their way into my room around 10:30 chanting, "Give me food! Give me food!" Or was that my dream? I don't know. It was a little foggy. Dom crawled into bed and sweetly asked if we were going to be able to go somewhere or do something. I had been waiting all week for Saturday, the day that I did not have to do anything and he wanted to go somewhere! Was he nuts! I grunted a response which must have been satisfactory since he slipped out of the covers to go in search of cereal. As I lay there in bed deciding whether or not I was going to join his cereal efforts or stay right where I was as long as I could, it suddenly dawned on me. My son, apart from two dinner invitations we had accepted, had not been out of the house very much over the last week. Although I had been going from class to class, Dom had not been outside to play or had much contact with kidos his own age this week. I had been so focused on surviving the week that I had made my child into a hermit!
I promptly got out of bed and enthusiastically told him to get dressed because we were going to the skate park...all was well, but I had a pent up pressure inside. It was the pressure a parent gets when they have not had adequate sleep and then goes full steam through the day and night just to get up from the few hours of snooze that they did get to do it all over again. It really can make a person nuts! Well I made it through Saturday with no major crazy moments, but Sunday I could feel it coming. We got up in the morning with plenty of time to get ready for church and were actually on time which is often times not the case. We had a fairly positive morning, went out to lunch with a dear friend of mine and then came home. Dom decided he wanted to play outside and I called the dog out for a brushing...then suddenly no child in sight. I started calling his name only to get silence in return. I looked and looked, but could not see him. After about 10 minutes of me checking around the corner and back upstairs and then around the other corner I see him across the street and down a block at the neighbors house. I suddenly envisioned my hand jetting from my arm and grabbing him by the scruff only to bring him back to me in mid air. I was ready to kill him!
Went and got him and told him to go to his room so we could talk. I thoroughly and calmly, or not so calmly, told him of the dire safety issues surrounding his disobedience and that he was to ask me before he just takes off somewhere...okay, pause...we have all been there with trying to explain an abstract concept to a child who draws Superman when asked to do a self portrait. He cannot even fathom in his mind how a bad guy could get past his wicked Judo skills and have time to swipe him into a car when he would easily throw the bad guy to the ground and punch him in the nuts until he died. Do you see what I am working with here! Anyway, I made parental mistake 500,421...I gave him another chance. But this time he blew it way bigger.
I allowed him to go back down the street under my supervision and visit with his friend that was moving away...I am not a monster. I have a heart. I am a mom. I gave him 20 minutes to visit. Then I promptly went home and called my friends and told them they needed to pick up my child and feed him for me because I was on the verge of losing it and just could not take it anymore! My friend and her husband offered immediately to take him for the evening and I breathed a sigh of relief. They must have been able to hear the seriousness in my voice, or maybe they heard nothing but the tearful sobs and, "Come get Dominic" and they deduced the urgency of my situation hahahaha...nonetheless Randy came to pick him up and when I went to find him down the street I was told that he had gone with his friend to the 7/11 around the corner. He had told the adult that it was fine with me...well when a 10 year old boy tells you something like that you are definitely suppose to believe him!!!! NOT!!!!!! Oh now I was torked. I marched my little butt down the street to the 7/11, but they were not there. I missed them. I walked my butt back and by this time was completely red with a swollen head and steam rolling out of my ears...his life was over...I found him, much to his unpleasantry, and told him in a "mama ain't playing" tone of voice to get his little butt home because he was in trouble.
Well we dealt with the consequences of the disobedience and Randy took him to give me a break. When I closed the door, I just burst into tears. I was so tired in that moment. I truly had nothing left, but tears. Before I became a mom and people thought I had just concocted a cockamamie idea to adopt people had told me how hard it was to be a mom. Now I understand that being a mom is complicated. You love them so much, yet they drive you so nuts. You sacrifice so much just to give them a leg up now and then. You take all the dirty looks in the world for the different decisions that are made in their best interest and all the while it is somehow satisfying and fulfilling to be watching a little person develope into a bigger person. Motherhood is a mental disorder and without it our species would have died out a long time ago. It really is not easy to be this mentally dysfunctional, but the season is short and the fruit will be plentiful...if I can just keep from throwing him out the window :)
Thank God for friends who see the signs of serious breakdown and thank God for a son who enjoys his breaks from his mother :). I guess we will see what tomorrow brings, huh?
Laura Araujo
Thursday, November 5, 2009
A Check of Reality
Dear Reader,
Today I walked through my hallway that goes into the kitchen and stepped in something gooshy. My first thought was, "Dear God, please don't let this be a bodily fluid...human, feline or canine!" You know that when that is the first thought to pop in your head it's time for a check of reality. I went to dinner tonight with a dear friend. After having been seated for over 10 minutes, I still could not decide what I wanted to eat for dinner, but I knew what wine I would be having with my undecided dinner choice; again a sign giving need for a check of reality. By the way, I had lemon cake for dinner and a salad for dessert with 2 glasses of Pinot Grigio...it was heavenly and yes, you are not misreading...I had dessert first tonight :).
What is a check of reality and when do we know we need one? Well, a check of reality in our house is always long in coming, but one always comes; normally just before ultimate mental breakdown on my part (or after I find grey hair 401!). The thing with being a mother is that it totally changes your chemistry which changes your endurance level. I can definitely endure more stress now than I ever expected before. Little things throughout the day that threaten to push me off the cliff of "somewhat-stable" don't seem as gianormous as they did. Like the other day when I stepped outside with the dog for a breathe of afternoon fresh fall air and I am coming back up the stairs and am greeted by Dominic's grouchy face. He says in a disgusted tone, "Minka threw my clothes on the roof!" "What?" I asked. All the while thinking in my head, "How the hell could the cat throw your clothes on the roof?" Then in a split second I imagined Minka the cat growing a hand at the end of her tail which promptly picked up Dominic's clothes and threw them directly out the window. My life can at times parallel that of Alley McBeal.
I went into Dominic's room and proceeded to fish off the roof with a hanger a T-shirt and shorts that my son had slept in the previous night and a pair of underwear. So apparently the cat had ignored the proverb that advises us to not air our dirty laundry out of the upstairs' window. I don't know if the cat really did push the clothing out the window or if Dominic did it and blamed it on the cat and I didn't ask. Some things a mother does not need to know...although I surmise! When Dominic saw that his clothes had been recovered he was amazed, apparently he thought his items were goners. He said, "Mom you are the best mom with a hanger ever!" Funny thing is I felt honored at his compliment. Ummm, can we say check of reality...I had just spent the last few moments fishing my son's dirty underwear off our roof and suddenly I felt like the best mom on the planet! Something is slightly distorted here in the world of Laura Araujo.
My dear friend called on Tuesday and when I asked her how she was she confessed that she was in her pantry with the door closed, hiding from her toddler during an elongated game of King of the Castle looking for something to eat. Anyone who is a mom or was a mom can laugh heartily at this image because over the years the image has been consistent, only the character in the image changes...to us! Another friend of mine has a good story of her youngest. He can literally talk the legs off a horse (usually the saying is "hind legs", but I am pretty confident that he could take off all four in a matter of minutes) and she had just had it. She went to the bathroom and closed and locked the door looking for just a moment of solace which would help ward off the urge to give her child to the next person who walked down the street. She sat down on the closed toilet seat and put her head in her hands. Then she heard, "mommy?" come through the bathroom door. "I'm in the bathroom honey," she said. "Oh that's okay mommy," he said, "I can just sit right here and talk to you."
I had no idea how many changes would take place when I became a mom. Some of them have been easier to adjust to than others; eg: I still miss sleeping naked on hot summer nights and I have to remind myself to hide my ice cream at the back of the freezer so I don't have to share. I have watched more Scooby Doo movies than I ever thought possible and I love watching people's expressions at the laundry mat when I begin pulling out the "treasures" from Dom's jean pockets. Hahahaha. But the biggest lesson I have learned in my short time of motherhood is that change must start in me before it touches Dominic. A check of reality starts in my heart and overflows to him and my ability to stay as far towards peace as possible is what determines our day. Sometimes my check of reality starts with whatever pie is sitting on the kitchen table as it is assaulted with a fork and sometimes it begins with a full nights' sleep, but the important thing is that it starts. Reader, please remember that you can provide not only a change of mood for the household, but also a change of day if you can find a check of reality. Most of the time peace comes when perception is corrected.
Laura Araujo
Today I walked through my hallway that goes into the kitchen and stepped in something gooshy. My first thought was, "Dear God, please don't let this be a bodily fluid...human, feline or canine!" You know that when that is the first thought to pop in your head it's time for a check of reality. I went to dinner tonight with a dear friend. After having been seated for over 10 minutes, I still could not decide what I wanted to eat for dinner, but I knew what wine I would be having with my undecided dinner choice; again a sign giving need for a check of reality. By the way, I had lemon cake for dinner and a salad for dessert with 2 glasses of Pinot Grigio...it was heavenly and yes, you are not misreading...I had dessert first tonight :).
What is a check of reality and when do we know we need one? Well, a check of reality in our house is always long in coming, but one always comes; normally just before ultimate mental breakdown on my part (or after I find grey hair 401!). The thing with being a mother is that it totally changes your chemistry which changes your endurance level. I can definitely endure more stress now than I ever expected before. Little things throughout the day that threaten to push me off the cliff of "somewhat-stable" don't seem as gianormous as they did. Like the other day when I stepped outside with the dog for a breathe of afternoon fresh fall air and I am coming back up the stairs and am greeted by Dominic's grouchy face. He says in a disgusted tone, "Minka threw my clothes on the roof!" "What?" I asked. All the while thinking in my head, "How the hell could the cat throw your clothes on the roof?" Then in a split second I imagined Minka the cat growing a hand at the end of her tail which promptly picked up Dominic's clothes and threw them directly out the window. My life can at times parallel that of Alley McBeal.
I went into Dominic's room and proceeded to fish off the roof with a hanger a T-shirt and shorts that my son had slept in the previous night and a pair of underwear. So apparently the cat had ignored the proverb that advises us to not air our dirty laundry out of the upstairs' window. I don't know if the cat really did push the clothing out the window or if Dominic did it and blamed it on the cat and I didn't ask. Some things a mother does not need to know...although I surmise! When Dominic saw that his clothes had been recovered he was amazed, apparently he thought his items were goners. He said, "Mom you are the best mom with a hanger ever!" Funny thing is I felt honored at his compliment. Ummm, can we say check of reality...I had just spent the last few moments fishing my son's dirty underwear off our roof and suddenly I felt like the best mom on the planet! Something is slightly distorted here in the world of Laura Araujo.
My dear friend called on Tuesday and when I asked her how she was she confessed that she was in her pantry with the door closed, hiding from her toddler during an elongated game of King of the Castle looking for something to eat. Anyone who is a mom or was a mom can laugh heartily at this image because over the years the image has been consistent, only the character in the image changes...to us! Another friend of mine has a good story of her youngest. He can literally talk the legs off a horse (usually the saying is "hind legs", but I am pretty confident that he could take off all four in a matter of minutes) and she had just had it. She went to the bathroom and closed and locked the door looking for just a moment of solace which would help ward off the urge to give her child to the next person who walked down the street. She sat down on the closed toilet seat and put her head in her hands. Then she heard, "mommy?" come through the bathroom door. "I'm in the bathroom honey," she said. "Oh that's okay mommy," he said, "I can just sit right here and talk to you."
I had no idea how many changes would take place when I became a mom. Some of them have been easier to adjust to than others; eg: I still miss sleeping naked on hot summer nights and I have to remind myself to hide my ice cream at the back of the freezer so I don't have to share. I have watched more Scooby Doo movies than I ever thought possible and I love watching people's expressions at the laundry mat when I begin pulling out the "treasures" from Dom's jean pockets. Hahahaha. But the biggest lesson I have learned in my short time of motherhood is that change must start in me before it touches Dominic. A check of reality starts in my heart and overflows to him and my ability to stay as far towards peace as possible is what determines our day. Sometimes my check of reality starts with whatever pie is sitting on the kitchen table as it is assaulted with a fork and sometimes it begins with a full nights' sleep, but the important thing is that it starts. Reader, please remember that you can provide not only a change of mood for the household, but also a change of day if you can find a check of reality. Most of the time peace comes when perception is corrected.
Laura Araujo
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Constipation
Reader,
Welcome to Wednesday. If you have a sweet tooth like I do, then you are now on day 5 of secretly digging into your child's Halloween candy. But as I get older the more I realize that my intestines are not as cooperative with the rush of sugar as they have been in the past. I have made it a goal for today to go in search of a bran muffin and a cup of coffee. I may even need to have a cigarette to get those nicotinic receptors pumping that help with digestion.
Apart from my digestional issues of the day, I have also been confronted this morning with my overall constipation of life. You will notice that yesterday I did not write a post and send it out to the abyss of readers. This is because I took a "health" day. I am not referring to it as a "mental" health day, because I needed a holistic approach to health. I had reached my maximum threshold of stress on Monday afternoon and decided if I was going to avoid becoming homicidal I should take a day to catch up with myself. Right now I am taking 13 credit hours working on my Bachelors in Psychology and Anthropology. When I am not at school I am homeschooling Dominic. It is a rarity with our schedule that I have a few moments to have thoughts of my own. Yesterday I woke up yearning to hear my own thoughts.
Living with my adorable child is a big blessing (when he is not trying to be king of my castle), but I am convinced that life with children is a total and utter accosting of the senses until overload becomes normal. Why do you think a mother can stand in McDonald's with her two children as they scream and try to rip each others' faces off? It seems to not faze her at all as she orders her #1 with large chocolate shake. To the rest of us standing in line the cacophony of high pitched noises is enough to send us flying out the door never to return. It is the mere fact that her auditory senses have been on overload since the day they were born and she has become so numb to the noise that it is now the quiet that bothers her.
I fear this is how I have become with my thoughts. This last year of insta-mom has truly changed my sensory processing systems. I am constantly taking in information not only for myself, but also for Dominic now, and I am at a place where I don't know what to do when I have time to myself. I clean! I clean and sleep. So sad! On occasion when Dominic spends the night somewhere I am confronted with the question of, "What am I going to do?" Hello! Hello! Wake up! There was life before Dominic.
The truth is I am craving comfort right now. My life is not comfortable. It may get more comfortable next semester when our schedule is not as insane, but right now I am living the epitome of motherly discomfort. This morning I was confronted by the Holy Spirit with this idea of craving comfort. I want comfort more than anything right now, but what I need is conforming. I need to conform to the likeness of Christ. Jesus walked a road of shame and pain for me so that I may be able to conform to his likeness and be made whole. How can I ignore this privilege I have been given?
I have this expectation that as a Christian I have a responsibility to save face and not let my imperfections blemish Christ's perfection. Hello! That is such a load of crock! My imperfection is what Christ died for. Christ died for us so that when we are about to totally and utterly lose it with our child, boss, husband or phone company representative in New Delhi, we don't have to ignore our feelings, we can surrender them to Christ and ask for healing, power and wisdom in the situation. Beth Moore says this:
"You have many rights of your own. You may have the right to be angry, the right to be bitter, the right to leave your husband or give up on that wayward teenager. But to be crucified with Christ means that you volunteer to forego all your personal rights except one: your right as a believer to be filled and led by the Spirit of Christ who dwells within you. Don't simply try to ignore your rights when they are so difficult to lay down. Surrender them to Christ..."
My constipation stems from desiring and searching for comfort. The flow of my life will not return until I surrender my right to comfort and ask for God to conform me. I am planning to think on this over my bran muffin and coffee this morning.
Laura Araujo
Welcome to Wednesday. If you have a sweet tooth like I do, then you are now on day 5 of secretly digging into your child's Halloween candy. But as I get older the more I realize that my intestines are not as cooperative with the rush of sugar as they have been in the past. I have made it a goal for today to go in search of a bran muffin and a cup of coffee. I may even need to have a cigarette to get those nicotinic receptors pumping that help with digestion.
Apart from my digestional issues of the day, I have also been confronted this morning with my overall constipation of life. You will notice that yesterday I did not write a post and send it out to the abyss of readers. This is because I took a "health" day. I am not referring to it as a "mental" health day, because I needed a holistic approach to health. I had reached my maximum threshold of stress on Monday afternoon and decided if I was going to avoid becoming homicidal I should take a day to catch up with myself. Right now I am taking 13 credit hours working on my Bachelors in Psychology and Anthropology. When I am not at school I am homeschooling Dominic. It is a rarity with our schedule that I have a few moments to have thoughts of my own. Yesterday I woke up yearning to hear my own thoughts.
Living with my adorable child is a big blessing (when he is not trying to be king of my castle), but I am convinced that life with children is a total and utter accosting of the senses until overload becomes normal. Why do you think a mother can stand in McDonald's with her two children as they scream and try to rip each others' faces off? It seems to not faze her at all as she orders her #1 with large chocolate shake. To the rest of us standing in line the cacophony of high pitched noises is enough to send us flying out the door never to return. It is the mere fact that her auditory senses have been on overload since the day they were born and she has become so numb to the noise that it is now the quiet that bothers her.
I fear this is how I have become with my thoughts. This last year of insta-mom has truly changed my sensory processing systems. I am constantly taking in information not only for myself, but also for Dominic now, and I am at a place where I don't know what to do when I have time to myself. I clean! I clean and sleep. So sad! On occasion when Dominic spends the night somewhere I am confronted with the question of, "What am I going to do?" Hello! Hello! Wake up! There was life before Dominic.
The truth is I am craving comfort right now. My life is not comfortable. It may get more comfortable next semester when our schedule is not as insane, but right now I am living the epitome of motherly discomfort. This morning I was confronted by the Holy Spirit with this idea of craving comfort. I want comfort more than anything right now, but what I need is conforming. I need to conform to the likeness of Christ. Jesus walked a road of shame and pain for me so that I may be able to conform to his likeness and be made whole. How can I ignore this privilege I have been given?
I have this expectation that as a Christian I have a responsibility to save face and not let my imperfections blemish Christ's perfection. Hello! That is such a load of crock! My imperfection is what Christ died for. Christ died for us so that when we are about to totally and utterly lose it with our child, boss, husband or phone company representative in New Delhi, we don't have to ignore our feelings, we can surrender them to Christ and ask for healing, power and wisdom in the situation. Beth Moore says this:
"You have many rights of your own. You may have the right to be angry, the right to be bitter, the right to leave your husband or give up on that wayward teenager. But to be crucified with Christ means that you volunteer to forego all your personal rights except one: your right as a believer to be filled and led by the Spirit of Christ who dwells within you. Don't simply try to ignore your rights when they are so difficult to lay down. Surrender them to Christ..."
My constipation stems from desiring and searching for comfort. The flow of my life will not return until I surrender my right to comfort and ask for God to conform me. I am planning to think on this over my bran muffin and coffee this morning.
Laura Araujo
Monday, November 2, 2009
King of the Castle
Reader,
The title of this blog refers to all the lessons of life I have learned within my home since becoming a mom. The funny thing is that I have also started homeschooling my son on a part time schedule. So today's story comes from the first week of homeschooling.
If you are a parent, step-parent, foster parent, nanny or teacher you understand the term "king of the castle" in trueness of its depth. Grandparents get to skip this hilarious game for the most part unless your little pumpkin(s) live with you, because as a grand-parent you are wrinkly and thus children know not to mess with you. Alas as a parent we do not have the crowning glory of wrinkles yet and so our children feel the need to help with the development. The entire first week of homeschool consisted of Dominic and I playing King of the Castle. He would tell me how to run my house and I would sit on his face. Then he would order me around like his slave and I would again sit on his face. He would cry and whine and carry on and I would ignore him or send him off to take a nap until he was in his right mind to be around another human being and the saga continued for about 7 or 8 days. My kid is a trooper and stubborn, but I am the Queen of this Castle and not to be messed with. :)
I don't know about you, but I remember when my mom and dad would be so sick of arguing with me. During that week I think I gathered a new understanding of what it must have been like to have spawned me and then been forced to raise me and claim me as their own. Trust me my younger brother was worse than me, so take a moment to feel sorry for my parents. My older brother was a peach...or so he thinks, but I wasn't around yet and do not have much firsthand knowledge of his adolescent schemes. My younger brother is not let off as easy, because I was there for everything blah ah ah! But that is for another blog on another day. I was humbled at the stamina my son had to argue his point until I wanted to poke my own eyeballs out. I have to admit that this first week of homeschooling I begged God to forgive me for this terrible mistake I had made...hahaha...it is wonderful now, but I didn't know then what I know now.
We are now in our third week of homeschooling and I enjoy it immensely. Dominic has sunk into a routine now and is eager to learn. As I was in the shower this morning thinking of how far we have come in the last three weeks, I felt the Holy Spirit draw a parallel. I have been playing a game of King of the Castle myself these last few months. It didn't turn out in Dominic's favor and I guess it would behoove me to keep this in mind next time I want to throw a tantrum and tell God what my life should look like. Gotta love it when God gives you a living analogy in your own home to constantly remind you of what you look and act like on a regular basis.
Laura Araujo
The title of this blog refers to all the lessons of life I have learned within my home since becoming a mom. The funny thing is that I have also started homeschooling my son on a part time schedule. So today's story comes from the first week of homeschooling.
If you are a parent, step-parent, foster parent, nanny or teacher you understand the term "king of the castle" in trueness of its depth. Grandparents get to skip this hilarious game for the most part unless your little pumpkin(s) live with you, because as a grand-parent you are wrinkly and thus children know not to mess with you. Alas as a parent we do not have the crowning glory of wrinkles yet and so our children feel the need to help with the development. The entire first week of homeschool consisted of Dominic and I playing King of the Castle. He would tell me how to run my house and I would sit on his face. Then he would order me around like his slave and I would again sit on his face. He would cry and whine and carry on and I would ignore him or send him off to take a nap until he was in his right mind to be around another human being and the saga continued for about 7 or 8 days. My kid is a trooper and stubborn, but I am the Queen of this Castle and not to be messed with. :)
I don't know about you, but I remember when my mom and dad would be so sick of arguing with me. During that week I think I gathered a new understanding of what it must have been like to have spawned me and then been forced to raise me and claim me as their own. Trust me my younger brother was worse than me, so take a moment to feel sorry for my parents. My older brother was a peach...or so he thinks, but I wasn't around yet and do not have much firsthand knowledge of his adolescent schemes. My younger brother is not let off as easy, because I was there for everything blah ah ah! But that is for another blog on another day. I was humbled at the stamina my son had to argue his point until I wanted to poke my own eyeballs out. I have to admit that this first week of homeschooling I begged God to forgive me for this terrible mistake I had made...hahaha...it is wonderful now, but I didn't know then what I know now.
We are now in our third week of homeschooling and I enjoy it immensely. Dominic has sunk into a routine now and is eager to learn. As I was in the shower this morning thinking of how far we have come in the last three weeks, I felt the Holy Spirit draw a parallel. I have been playing a game of King of the Castle myself these last few months. It didn't turn out in Dominic's favor and I guess it would behoove me to keep this in mind next time I want to throw a tantrum and tell God what my life should look like. Gotta love it when God gives you a living analogy in your own home to constantly remind you of what you look and act like on a regular basis.
Laura Araujo
Sunday, November 1, 2009
The Haircut
Jolly Reader,
Well, let me give you some hard earned advice today. If a person cuts your hair with your back to the mirror, remember the words of Laura Araujo - THIS IS A BAD THING!!! I decided today would be the day to lighten the load of hairs on my head. Truthfully, my son has been on a 'no haircut' kick for a while now and he is starting to have to part his bangs with his hands to get a good look at anything, so I pulled the whole, "Let's go get lunch and then both get haircuts!" He was surprisingly open to the idea, but asked if I would go first. I agreed that this was a fine plan. Ha! Let's just say that Dominic did not have to get a haircut, because after I saw what had happened to me I was not about to be a mother that gave up her child to those shears...no siree!
This is a reputable salon that I will keep nameless, but I should have known I had something to worry about when the stylist whispered to the girl next to us that she needed help. I had asked for an "A" line cut with tapering in the back to stack and add some volume. I had found a simple picture and felt confident that it was not complex. Who knew that I would end up with a reversed widow's peak at the bottom of my skull?
I could tell the stylist was nervous, but I have such thick hair that it really is hard to screw up irreparably. Then she told me that she mainly cuts men's hair. I almost slipped out of the chair. With a smile I set my face like flint and told myself I was not going to give up on her just because she cuts men's hair. Slowly I relaxed and she gained some confidence and snip, snip, snip went the rhythm of the shears. She asked if she could use the blow dryer and I said, "Yes, of course." The whole time up to this point, I had yet to see the mirror, because it was behind me! Then she did it. Trust evaporated. She picked up the roller brush and dove in like Amelia Bedelia. She must have thought I was Shirley Temple's stand in, because that woman rolled and blew dry my hairs until they were ready to fall out of my head.
When I got up, my son's eyes were as wide as saucers and he tried to smile, but none availed. The stylist next to us could not hide the horror as it set in. I took one look in the mirror and heard, "Get out! Before she gets out the curling iron!!!" I looked at Dominic and he said, "I'm not getting a haircut, Mom!" I said, "I know. Let's get out of here!" I have never paid for anything so quickly in my life.
On the way home I was fuming. Then I heard, "Gee mom, I really like what she did to your hairs." "Oh," I said. :-]
I came home, jumped in the shower, blew it dry again (this time without the roller brush’s help) and went to cutting myself. After a few minutes and a significant pile of hair on the bathroom floor I breathed a sigh of relief. Laura Araujo was recognizable - as an adult!
This was a very important life lesson for me today. Always ask to face the mirror!
Laura Araujo
Well, let me give you some hard earned advice today. If a person cuts your hair with your back to the mirror, remember the words of Laura Araujo - THIS IS A BAD THING!!! I decided today would be the day to lighten the load of hairs on my head. Truthfully, my son has been on a 'no haircut' kick for a while now and he is starting to have to part his bangs with his hands to get a good look at anything, so I pulled the whole, "Let's go get lunch and then both get haircuts!" He was surprisingly open to the idea, but asked if I would go first. I agreed that this was a fine plan. Ha! Let's just say that Dominic did not have to get a haircut, because after I saw what had happened to me I was not about to be a mother that gave up her child to those shears...no siree!
This is a reputable salon that I will keep nameless, but I should have known I had something to worry about when the stylist whispered to the girl next to us that she needed help. I had asked for an "A" line cut with tapering in the back to stack and add some volume. I had found a simple picture and felt confident that it was not complex. Who knew that I would end up with a reversed widow's peak at the bottom of my skull?
I could tell the stylist was nervous, but I have such thick hair that it really is hard to screw up irreparably. Then she told me that she mainly cuts men's hair. I almost slipped out of the chair. With a smile I set my face like flint and told myself I was not going to give up on her just because she cuts men's hair. Slowly I relaxed and she gained some confidence and snip, snip, snip went the rhythm of the shears. She asked if she could use the blow dryer and I said, "Yes, of course." The whole time up to this point, I had yet to see the mirror, because it was behind me! Then she did it. Trust evaporated. She picked up the roller brush and dove in like Amelia Bedelia. She must have thought I was Shirley Temple's stand in, because that woman rolled and blew dry my hairs until they were ready to fall out of my head.
When I got up, my son's eyes were as wide as saucers and he tried to smile, but none availed. The stylist next to us could not hide the horror as it set in. I took one look in the mirror and heard, "Get out! Before she gets out the curling iron!!!" I looked at Dominic and he said, "I'm not getting a haircut, Mom!" I said, "I know. Let's get out of here!" I have never paid for anything so quickly in my life.
On the way home I was fuming. Then I heard, "Gee mom, I really like what she did to your hairs." "Oh," I said. :-]
I came home, jumped in the shower, blew it dry again (this time without the roller brush’s help) and went to cutting myself. After a few minutes and a significant pile of hair on the bathroom floor I breathed a sigh of relief. Laura Araujo was recognizable - as an adult!
This was a very important life lesson for me today. Always ask to face the mirror!
Laura Araujo
A Toast To Being Open!
Hello Reader.
Spunk is a must for the recipe of life. When you lose spunk other things like joy, gumption and pizzazz all pack their bags and follow. This blog is an attempt to keep my finger on spunk and make sure it doesn't go anywhere. Spunk's main diet consists of humor. Laughter, like H2O, keeps life flowing in the direction of less grey hairs and more purposeful wrinkles (if we have to succumb to them they might as well be associated with laughter in my opinion). Humor brings relief to insecurity and distrust, which are two things that can easily plague adult life I am finding.
This last year, 2009, has been life shaking for me. I was turned upside down and beaten on my bottom like a glass ketchup bottle until I questioned everything. I told myself that if I could just make it to 2010, then I would have opportunity to tuck 2009 into the recesses of forgotten years and move on. Then I heard the question in my heart, "Do you want to be closed or open?" Funny, it made sense to me. I pondered on the question some, but did not really pay much attention to actually answering it. Then again I was confronted with the question, "Laura, do you want to be closed or open?" I could feel the tears come forward, stinging my eyes and I whispered, "Open. I want to be open."
See, open means less perfect. Less perfect means I can expect more "looks" from those who find it reasonable to be perfect (eg. my son!) But in all honesty I have found that the most unforgiving of women is the burnt out, caffeine propelled women themselves. When we reach this state of craze we begin letting go of the things that bring us joy and begin to focus on the things we need to survive. So we let go of playfully teasing our children that we are going to hang them out the window - we just discipline them quickly. We let go of tossing spaghetti noodles on the ceiling with our kids to make sure they are cooked - we don't have time or energy to wipe the day old make-up off our face let alone the ceiling. We find that Superwoman becomes the chosen character for our daily superhero under garments and our faces seem to harden with stress. When is the last time you just had a good "hee ha" with your kids or ate dessert before dinner?
See, I have known unspoken secrets. This last year has been full of them. Unspoken secrets spawn from stress and reside in the dark. They are responsible for that place in your life that you feel you can hide from others and no one will judge you. I have learned that when you are most fearful of being judged by others is when you are the most judgmental of yourself. This judgment of one's self can only exist when insecurity has become foundational. I doubt that I am alone in wondering where spunk has gone. So I have decided to not tuck in as much as I would like and instead skirt the temptation to be closed with my experiences in this crazy adventure referred to as my life. Openness is a responsibility in order to live wholly. I not only want a whole life, but I want richness.
If I can give you, my reader, any gift I hope it to be authenticity. I promise to be real, because I don't know any other way to be. I am real and messy and I think I will grow on you. You will go away laughing and come back again and laugh some more. Have a think and then read the next post. I enjoyed meeting you.
Laura Araujo
Spunk is a must for the recipe of life. When you lose spunk other things like joy, gumption and pizzazz all pack their bags and follow. This blog is an attempt to keep my finger on spunk and make sure it doesn't go anywhere. Spunk's main diet consists of humor. Laughter, like H2O, keeps life flowing in the direction of less grey hairs and more purposeful wrinkles (if we have to succumb to them they might as well be associated with laughter in my opinion). Humor brings relief to insecurity and distrust, which are two things that can easily plague adult life I am finding.
This last year, 2009, has been life shaking for me. I was turned upside down and beaten on my bottom like a glass ketchup bottle until I questioned everything. I told myself that if I could just make it to 2010, then I would have opportunity to tuck 2009 into the recesses of forgotten years and move on. Then I heard the question in my heart, "Do you want to be closed or open?" Funny, it made sense to me. I pondered on the question some, but did not really pay much attention to actually answering it. Then again I was confronted with the question, "Laura, do you want to be closed or open?" I could feel the tears come forward, stinging my eyes and I whispered, "Open. I want to be open."
See, open means less perfect. Less perfect means I can expect more "looks" from those who find it reasonable to be perfect (eg. my son!) But in all honesty I have found that the most unforgiving of women is the burnt out, caffeine propelled women themselves. When we reach this state of craze we begin letting go of the things that bring us joy and begin to focus on the things we need to survive. So we let go of playfully teasing our children that we are going to hang them out the window - we just discipline them quickly. We let go of tossing spaghetti noodles on the ceiling with our kids to make sure they are cooked - we don't have time or energy to wipe the day old make-up off our face let alone the ceiling. We find that Superwoman becomes the chosen character for our daily superhero under garments and our faces seem to harden with stress. When is the last time you just had a good "hee ha" with your kids or ate dessert before dinner?
See, I have known unspoken secrets. This last year has been full of them. Unspoken secrets spawn from stress and reside in the dark. They are responsible for that place in your life that you feel you can hide from others and no one will judge you. I have learned that when you are most fearful of being judged by others is when you are the most judgmental of yourself. This judgment of one's self can only exist when insecurity has become foundational. I doubt that I am alone in wondering where spunk has gone. So I have decided to not tuck in as much as I would like and instead skirt the temptation to be closed with my experiences in this crazy adventure referred to as my life. Openness is a responsibility in order to live wholly. I not only want a whole life, but I want richness.
If I can give you, my reader, any gift I hope it to be authenticity. I promise to be real, because I don't know any other way to be. I am real and messy and I think I will grow on you. You will go away laughing and come back again and laugh some more. Have a think and then read the next post. I enjoyed meeting you.
Laura Araujo
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